Liz's Story - UK

Reading your story, it could almost of been my own, the similarities between yours and mine are like wow omg. this is to zoe,  have known adults that have been abused as kids, by a dad or an uncle, but not the brother, I’m 54 years old, like yourself, the actual abuse is only part of the story, the most hurtful part came later. I did tell my mum, I was about to go to the local upper school, it was that summer and we were in Ireland, on the boat on the way over id written my mum a letter, the relationship we had wasn't one that I had the confidence in to just go and tell her, I’m sure I must of been coming up 13 at the time, she locked me in the car outside my aunties, and beat holy hell out of me, I had to swear to tell no one because if I did it will kill my dad, I never wanted him to die, so I kept quiet, he only stopped troubling me at about age 14 because I had a pair of scissors in my hand, I did get them partially in to his leg, not enough to do any real damage, long enough though for the abuse to go a different direction, it turned to violence from him, I’d been through enough already at home to know that I don't get heard fairly, I always end up taking a hammering off my mum, so even the fighting was done in secret, only once my mum was out and my dad was in charge, I screamed that time, then carried on beating my hairdryer in to his head, I don't know what made me think that my dad will believe me if he catches me fighting, I wanted to tell him everything, but all my dad saw, was me smashing an object into my brothers head, he wouldn't listen to why, he told my mum when she got home. if you can’t trust your own mum, then who can you trust, that's how I grew up, not talking, not telling, just getting through life, doing stupid things,. I’m not married, never have been, I’ve got 4 grown up children. I was only able to tell anyone after I had Claire, my only little girl, and I needed someone to watch her all night, my friend Sal, she never asked me why, she just watched Claire for me all night the 1st night out of hospital, after that I relied on speed. I don't know when my story changes, or when it stops, I think it started around 8 or 9 years old when he would of been 10 or 11, some people have tried to pass it off as childhood curiosity, I find that degrading and insulting, I wasn't told when my granny and granddad in Ireland died, I still can’t come to terms with this, I don't even know when they did die or who went 1st, I loved them so much, I’m not allowed in Ireland to go and see their grave, so I can’t even lay flowers.  I did tell my Irish cousin, I’ve heard nothing from her, and I thought she would have been the 1 that did call out to me, Geena is the youngest woman in Ireland to ever be ordained into the church, she doesn't even care, I don't know why. I’ve been talking openly about being raped, since my daughter was 8 years old

 

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